Shoot it, stuff it or eat it

I'm no 1950's housewife.


Well, ok...I don't cook. I don't actually do the laundry anymore either. Come to think of it, what do I do??? Oh yeah, I take care of a baby and clean the house and work to pay bills. I digress.


I think that given the opportunity to be a housewife I could rise to the occasion. Like I would do the laundry and stuff. I do know how. I digress again.


What I am attempting to say here is that I make all of these valiant attempts to sew things. Mr. G bought me a sewing machine for Christmas one year and I was so amped about it I started making these owl door stoppers and random stuffed animal kinda thingys. Anyway, whenever I am in a situation where I need a gift I always decide to make something. Because I'm an artist and I pressure myself into thinking that is what everyone expects from me. Besides, I start off thinking its going to be fun and usually it is; however when said occasion occurs and I choose to sew, it inevitably turns into a disaster. I don't know how to sew. I know I learned how to sew AND how to use a sewing machine in sixth grade home economics but shit...I'm in my thirties now and I can't remember how to do the things I was taught then!!! I can't even add correctly. (That's a whole different post.) I digress yet again.


As a maker of things and not at all a functional math lovin' carpenter I don't measure twice cut once. I always do that backwards and then I have to start over. I will say that I typically get it right the second time. I'm a late bloomer. I believe sewing requires some skill and patience which I feel going into each project I have. But my skillz, wha-what?, is not in the sewing department its in the creative-make-it-up-as-you-go-along department. HELL YEAH!!! High five??!! No? Ok, so you can see where this is going. I decide what to make, I cut things, I start to sew and then realize I did it all backwards or that I started at step two instead of step one. I get frustrated and toss the whole thing in a basket where is sadly lives (??disappears??) for many years. Currently I am working on such a project. I HAVE to get it right. I can't give up because I'm poor and need to make this super awesome fantastic gift for a friend. I wonder if I offer to cook and do the laundry for a week Mr. G would measure twice and cut once for me. Hmm....