Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Week 98

Week 98: Just trying to keep up and fill in the gaps. – Status: Functional.

Your Life: Botox anyone?

You will find this week that the wrinkles under your eyes have become more pronounced. Perhaps this is a normal but you will convince yourself that in a few short weeks your hair will turn grey and your teeth will soon fall out. In the off hours your toddler is sleeping you frantically search the internet for a new hair style, make up tips and decide you will spend the rest of the evening “cleaning out” your closet to make sure it’s fresh and hip. Don’t be surprised if at the end of the day you realize you just “cleaned out” most of the clothes you actually fit into.

Expect to become aware of the ridiculous amount of time and money you’ve put in to make yourself not look like yourself. Those last 10 pounds that you can’t manage to purge after the baby seem to disgust you every time you think about it. Either accept this or get a personal trainer. Either way you are sure to regret your decision. Hey hot mama; at least those shoes are smokin’.

How your baby is growing: Left. Right. No. Left. No. Right.

Yeah, yeah it’s true that children grow fast. Miraculously they are 5 years old in the blink of an eye but the marathon leading up to that seems endless on a day-to-day basis. Wake up, breakfast, clean up, play-do laundry-make lunch at the same time, lunch, read books, toddler nap – you clean up lunch and prep for dinner, clean up morning play mess, fold laundry, prep afternoon snack, think up some brilliant-overly exciting plan for the afternoon to entertain your entire family, execute said plan, dinner, clean up dinner, dance party in the living room, bath time, books, toddler bedtime – you clean the kitchen, scrub floors, clean up dance party, prep for the next day, shower, pay bills, check email, “watch TV” and finally collapse on your bed. This routine can be played out on any given day. If it’s a weekday and you work substitute everything from the first clean-up to dinner with dropping your toddler off at daycare and getting to work, working…etc. It’s amazing to watch them grow but given this intense schedule it can be difficult to really notice.

In a few short days expect projectile vomit to be shot in your arms along with tears and very little sleep. You will spend your time washing soiled clothes, carpets and your toddler as you trudge through a couple days of illness. Your little one is clinging to you because s/he feels miserable so drink some orange juice and wear clothes you don’t mind getting dirty. Your toddler is rapidly working through a long list of viruses and infections to build up immunities. Regardless, in the midst of these you are certain you have arrived in hell. When the last round of laundry is done be sure to have another basket ready.

A Look ahead: The park, birthday parties and other such tragic events.